Negativity, Positvity and Self Confendence



You know how I said it is hard to keep all my thoughts together?  Sometimes, I start a blog, get distracted, come back to it, reread it and decide I don't want to talk about that anymore. Example; I started a blog to tell the story about a lady who accused me of abusing my handicap parking permit.  I had posted about the moment on a my Facebook wall and was amazed by the remarks it got.  It was a moment of great anger and frustration, even typing the text on my phone was difficult because my hands were so shaky which they often are, but when I get worked up its way worse.

So ya, I don't want to talk about her anymore....

Trying to stay positive is hard, I mean, its really hard. It seems like every few months something gets stolen from me.  Snowboarding, golfing, biking, talking, walking, seeing, and the list goes on.  When I walk into a room it feels like the mood changes, not always, but enough.  If I am meeting or talking to someone who doesn't know my situation, I wonder what they must be thinking and the things they are going to say after I leave. I know a lot of you are saying "You shouldn't care what anybody else thinks or says!" and there was a time that I know I would have said the same thing. But, its tough to help thinking that.  How is this even fair?..... It's not..... As a result your self confidence becomes lessened and you find it harder to stand up for yourself. But I'm adjusting to it and it's always going to be a work in progress.

Friends and family are empowering though, I don't think I can stress that enough. When you take a situation like the time with the She-Cow at Costco (wait aren't all cows female?) For a very short period of time I was discouraged but then the comments, likes, phone calls, and text messages started coming in and it really blew me away. All these people got my back. Then I got that crazy kid of mine who I always want to be strong for (more than she realizes). I know that I have friends who have gone through struggles or who are just simply in a rut and I always try and offer them sound advice if I can. To them I am usually saying things like "Keep your chin up!",  "Things always seem to find a way of working out." and my personal favourite "Don't sweat the petty, pet the sweaty". So I remind myself of who I am, not who I was, because I'm still fuckin' here! Somedays I just need a reminder.  Did I punctuate that correctly? ;)

Peace!
Darrin


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