Just when you think you have seen and heard it all, you realize, I have SCA so I am not even close to seeing it all. The way I look at things now to just even three years ago are totally different, but today something happened that really caught me off guard. But let me give you the short version of the story leading into this situation.
I still work, and will for as long as I am able. I still drive and will for as long as I am able. Yes, I get it that those days are very numbered and I seem to get reminders from people often, I don’t like hearing it. Many of you already know I am self-employed as an IT Specialist (aka a computer geek) and I have lost and let go some of my clients. I have been in talks with a company that I have had a working relationship for years. They approached me about slowing down and possibly working for them directly as a member of their staff. I will admit I have been looking at this for some time because the amount of work that goes into self-employment is insane for a healthy normal person because even when you aren’t working – you’re working. Anyways, stay on topic Darrin! They needed to do an interview and my response to them was “No Problem just let me know when”. They then asked “Would today work for you?” I never really thought about it and told them “Sure I can come by at 11:00 am”. Well it wasn’t too long after that it occurred to me that I have not done a job interview in the better part of fifteen years. Anxiety kicks in, I start doubting everything I know, questioning how terrible I am going to sound and anything else a person with SCA probably thinks about when faced with adversity. Next thing you know I am trying to think of excuses to get out of it but eventually I levelled myself and slapped myself back to reality. "I got this, right?" I have the better part of twenty years’ experience, they know me, they know about my challenges. So I got some decent clothes, shaved and ditched my ball cap which I know will amaze a few of you and left for this interview.
I arrived on time and was greeted by the interviewer as I walked in. She took me into a boardroom and three other people were there as well. I didn’t see that coming!! Three people, all who I know very well but the nerves definitely kicked in a bit. It was then explained to me that everyone is very familiar with my condition, and they all have read my blogs. Finally, we got to it and most of it was pretty good. All the questions were valid and I thought I answered them very well considering that two hours prior I was very paranoid about how I would sound. There was a lot of diaphragmatic breathing, which is something you learn in speech therapy not only to help your speech but to calm you the hell down. (side note if you read this Amanda, I did a handful of my exercises beforehand and made sure I had water with me). Everything was going swell until the interviewers pulled out a binder. Well, it turned out to be a list of predetermined questions that they ask in every interview and you would think after not having an interview for over a decade they might have changed from the same old questions you so often get asked. Keep in mind we are about twenty minutes into all this when this happens.
Question 1: Where do you see yourself in five years?
It never ceases to amaze me what can go through your head in a matter of seconds because what I said and what I thought, were two totally different things. So this is what I thought:
That’s the dumbest question I have ever heard, how do I not lie when answering this? They do realize that I am probably going to be getting worse? We only talked about a six-month term of employment and would reassess at the end of 6 months. In five years I just want to still be hopefully alive and hopefully still able to stand on two legs. I can barely look ahead 6 months let alone five years! That’s the G rated version of how I said it to myself. This was my actual answer as best as I can recall:
There was a pretty long pause, a drink of water and a deep diaphragmatic breath and I responded to them in a pretty shaky voice. “Hopefully you will all understand that how I would have answered that question a few years ago and how I am going to answer it now are not even close to the same. Please understand that I can only hope that in five years that I can still be part of your team or any team, where people will still look to me for professional guidance in this crazy field. At this point I took another deep breath and drink of water and finished “I am not promising I am going to be here (working for them) in five years but I intended to be around. If I could be part of a team that’s making strides, then I would look back at those five years and think to myself that was a pretty good five years.” I glanced around the room and nobody was talking. To break that awkward moment I just babbled out, “Are you going to ask me What’s my biggest weakness, now?” Thank goodness they laughed. One of the interviewers spoke up and said “That was great and I think we can end on that note. Do you have any questions for us?” I did have a few but I don’t think they are exciting enough to get to here.
That all sounds way cooler when you read it on the screen. I am thinking my heart was ready to jump out of my chest and I was ready to have a minor panic attack but I made it through a very challenging situation. If anything comes from any of this you guys will be some of the first to know.
Peace!
Darrin
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