Mental Health.

One thing I don't overly like to talk about openly is my mental health.  But I think it is an issue for many that also don't like to openly talk about it because of the stigma that comes with it.   I don't factually know this but I suspect that most people who deal with a chronic disease,  illness or pain , have to cope with some degree of mental illness.   For me it's anxiety. It seems to get worse the more this disease progresses.  I like to think I keep myself in check pretty well but I definitely have been through a few moments.  There has been no shortage of things happening in my world, work stuff,  fire stuff,  pandemic stuff,  my health stuff, and even  personal life stuff.  I,  to date,  have reframed from using medication.  I'm not sure if that's the right choice,  but it is choice I have made.  I certainly don't condone it.  I talk it over with my neurologist and have talked to a psychiatrist. They don't necessarily agree with my choice but they respect my choice. My annual visit is coming up and it definitely will be discussed again.  Not much really rattles me visibly,  I have a pretty good poker face though.  Lately though bigger noisier crowds have been increasingly hard for me.  Now is this because that we have been so removed from those types of situations or is it this stupid disease?  It's probably a little of both. I can only speak for myself but I tend to pysch myself out in a lot more situations than I ever used to. I'm trying to teach myself to level myself and don't over think situations especially things I have no control over. I'm just working on liking me, which is kind of foreign to me because I always put everyone else ahead of me, it's just who I am.