Degeneration

Having a degenerative disease is kind of the job I took that I didn't really want but it got dumped on me.  There is no annual review though, so I am not sure if I am doing a good job. I do not think it's a mystery, I am pretty transparent about my condition. Generally if you want to know you are free to ask me almost anything in that matter. Most people don't. I wish some people would. If you want to know something, ask me.  Don't always trust what someone else says, its not wrong, it just is not always accurate. There are so many things that play a factor with me and they are all not related to having this disease.  I am still the same guy I was before this diagnoses. Some views have changed probably for the better and I know I obviously can't do the physical actvities. One of the harder things for me is meeting a new person, I can do it. Just know I don't overly enjoy it.  The people that I see fairly regulary are almost never an issue.  Where it gets a little weird is with people I see annually or I have spoken them several time over emails but have never ever talked to them.  I swear I talk to people I worked with years ago and talk to them regularly now by email and it seems like they have no idea it's me.They'll catch on one day though. The hard part is if I saw someone three years ago when I was pretty newly diagnosed things looked, OK. I spoke pretty well, I walked so so, I still had limitation physically, things just weren't as noticeable.   Fast forward to today and things probably look a lot different. So then I hear things like "Darrin sure has degraded.".  It's been years since I have seen that person.  To me, that is degeneration and as much as I hate it, that's pretty normal. Of course people want to you to be the same but aging is a thing and so is degeneration.  Most people get that, some need to ask more questions. Degeneration is part of having a neurological degerative disease and it sucks big time.  I try and chalk it up to aging but when I look around and see my age group doing things like having normal conversations, skiing/snowboarding, golfing, biking, hiking allbeit maybe a bit slower. I just try and Taylor Swift that shit and Shake It Off. Over the last few years my skin has probably thickened a lot.  I have a lot of anxieties still, and those will probably always be there, I am still me and still the same guy with a very similar attitude just quieter. I have never wanted sympathy, understanding a compassion, sure.  Sympathy is not really my game.  

Cheers Everyone!

Darrin